Lame Ways I’ve Been Hit On

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Some hate it, some love it. There’s no denying it happens, all the damn time. I’m usually in the “hating it” camp. Here’s probably why!

I’m usually totally oblivious to when people hit on me, more often than not it takes other people telling me for me to realise. So you know if I’ve noticed then you’ve either bombed completely or sort of impressed me. Either way it ain’t gonna happen.

1

The one man and his dog approach. Two guys, one girl. One who maybe knows the girl in question and can bridge the gap. The other just leers and its gross. So I was “up in da club” in my wild second year days and a guy I don’t really like (at all) comes up to me like he’s my best friend, he has a tag along with him who has yet to say a word. I was dancing with ma gurl and they just stood with us for a good three songs. Then Mr We’re-Totally-BFFs-Except-You-Hate-Me is all “he thinks you fit” gesturing to his mate. Good for him does he want a medal? I can see it now “Best at Acting Like a 15 Year Old.” We’ve all had variations of the “my mate thinks your hot” approach. Has it ever worked on/for you? I’m curious. I’m pretty sure it’s the typical white boy mating ritual.

2

The street lurker. This is the worst thing in the world! It’s scary and creepy and gross. Why do people do this?! Okay so there I am walking down the street on the way to meet my friends at the pub. Yes I was looking hella fly but I was also eating a kebab. I literally was stuffing it in my mouth, there was mayo everywhere. Not pretty. This dudebro in a backwards cap (if it is dark outside you do not need to be wearing a snapback) comes up behind me and puts his arm around me. I pause with donna meat halfway to my mouth and give him the raised eyebrow of death. He’s all “you’re really fit” and I’m all “get the ffff off of me.” Then he tried the “but its my birthday line.” Me: “I don’t care.” I really didn’t. I shrugged him off and stormed off putting the rest of my food in a nearby bin, I’d lost my appetite by that point.

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3

The night-club romancer. Okay so clubbing isn’t really my thing, I start to flag really early and end up wandering off to sit down. I was in such a position once when this guy came over to me and sat next to me. He just sits there and stares at me and I try and pretend he isn’t there. Next thing I knew he’d picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. Still not having said a word to me. I gave him a “what the hell” look and he apologised and walked away. Weird.

4

The blind-sider. With this one I actually kind of felt bed when I rejected him. I was in charge of organising a night club event (a fundraiser for a society) so I was sat on the front desk with my friend who is Finnish. This guy was waiting for his coat at the end of the night and was stuck at the back of the queue. He started up a conversation with us which was fine. He challenged us to guess what degree he did in three guesses. We accepted but only if he could guess where my friend was from. I can’t remember now what he studied but I know I didn’t get his degree right and he couldn’t place my friend’s accent. Next thing he leaned over and asked whether he could have my number and I probably looked really awkward. He then said “oh sorry do you have a boyfriend” to which I replied yes. He said sorry and moved forward in the line. Not sure why that was the only deterrent for him but bless him all the same.

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Image credit: Daily Mail

5

The only time I ever copped off. Ever. It was during the year I was single. I was blind drunk on two bottles of wine. I saw him, he saw me. No words were exchanged. He approached me, we necked. I walked off. The end. It was beautiful. I still don’t remember what he looked like.

What are the weirdest ways you’ve ever been hit on? Do you actually like it? Are you a crazy person?

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